Anne - Make me lose control

She was a day dreamer. She would sit in her office and long for better things, a better life, a better car, and a better  love life. She felt that she had grown up and been disappointed that better things didn't just come to her. It wasn't that she wouldn't work at things, she loved working hard on whatever it was, her job, her family everything she gave 100%. But at this point in her life she thought she would be somewhere else, she expected more and those expectations on a daily basis caused her grief and just made her tired of her day to day life.

She loved old music, old as in 80s old not classical old. If it was before Pearl Jam it was old. She'd blare her stereo every time some great cheesy song would come on by any of the true classical artists, Journey, Foreigner, even White Snake.

One that stuck out for her, one that has been playing over and over in her head for the past several days in this room is starting to drive her a bit mad. It reminds her of home because she remembers actually saying, the city's the color of flame in this mid-summer heat. Her best friend Jenny would pick her up and she'd throw the song on immediately from her ipod and scream, Jenifer's got Daddy's car and she's playing uptown on the stereo.

She would say to her fiancee, hold me close never let me go, and they'd hug and squeeze so hard that they couldn't breathe. His embrace made her feel safe and warm and a little bit more complete and secure that she's gotten to at least one point in her life by having a real relationship regardless if it seemed a bit shallow. She loved him, she cared for him deeply and it seemed like the next step to do in their relationship, it was logical thinking that made her say yes to his ordinary proposal. Maybe she hadn't had some grandiose show of romance and it felt like it involved little planning, but that sort of thing was only done on TV and in the movies. That's what her mindset was, she was logical, she had to accept her expectations were just that expectations and not reality. She had to play it safe, be in control of her life and her expectations.

But this room has changed things, being trapped in the same room for days on end creating the worst cabin fever you could think of has changed her mind on so much. She can't wait to get back to her job, see her co-workers, she can't wait to sit in her car and just drive with no place to go. To see Jen, to laugh and have fun and scream with joy to the point where she just belly flops into her bed and falls to sleep happy. She can't wait for all those things, but she's worried because she knows she should be rushing back to her man's arms, to be held and squeezed until she can't breathe. But that thought has been replaced with the worry that she'll never see someones eyes again.

This is where that song is cursing her now, because she keeps thinking, 'when I look in your eyes, I go crazy, fever's hot with the lights down low, but its not her man back home she's thinking of. Its his eyes, his caring, loving eyes that just seem to look through her. It pains her to think she won't see them again. She's so afraid that when she leaves this room and goes back to try to pick up her life and finds theirs a piece of her life still missing and its him.

She day dreams now about the day she gets home and sees everyone, the crying, the hugs and kisses, probably the media. She'll want that moment however where she just asks if she can have a moment to herself and go in her room and splash on to her bed and 'turn the radio up for that sweet sound'. Hope the feeling of 'Hold me close never let me go' is there. But she can look back at the room and 'Keep this feeling alive' think of the man she'll be waiting for when he gets out, so she can then say to him, 'Make me lose control.'

In my life Day 42 part 3

The day started rough, really rough, Cipher had demanded that Daniel be forced to fight twelve people one every hour at the top of the hour for the next twelve hours, an atonement for his lies to the group, for killing Dalton and for betraying his friends.

 Oddly several members of the group didn't have a problem with this, Scott had volunteered to fight Daniel, claiming to be fighting for his fallen friend Dalton, but Ross was told he had to be the first.

There were times... Day 42 pt 2

"What did you say?" Ross steps in front of Daniel.

"I killed Dalton. When we were in the rooms, when Cipher told me he'd meet me one on one, he had Dalton dress like him. He was in the mask and he couldn't speak, it looked like his lips were glued shut. Then he taunted me until I snapped and I attacked what I thought was him. I thought if I could kill Cipher it would end all of this, that the P90s would just quit and we'd get out. I thought... I thought I could save us. I was wrong, he lied and he made me kill a friend of mine." Daniel sits on the floor.

"You didn't say anything. Its been days, weeks since that happened, and you never said a word. Why?" Ross looks at him, clearly angry.

"I was scared, I killed our friend, its not easy to come clean when you have that kind of blood on your hands." Daniel talks to the ground, unable to look at Ross.

"I'd think it be easy for you, its not the first time you've gotten blood on your hands." Cipher prods the situation.

"What does that mean?" Liz looks to both Cipher and Daniel.

"I put a man in the hospital once. I nearly beat him to death. He is in constant need of medical attention, he has difficulty talking, he lost his right eye and he has to eat a special diet and I did that to him." Daniel looks at Liz.

"Why?" is all she can think to say.

"He was responsible for the death of my wife and son." Daniel puts his hands over his face, rubbing as if to erase everything there.

"Your wife is dead?! You talk about her all the time as though you have to get back to her!" the words stumble out of Ross's mouth, he's just more and more shocked by each thing that is said.

"I do have to get back to them, to my home, to their graves. I see them and talk to them all the time."

"That's a lie." Cipher jumps in. "He's lying there. The other things all true, but seeing them all the time thinking of them, no, he used to, but he gave up on their memory long ago."

"#$*& YOU!" Daniel screams and stands up. "I never stopped. I just chose to start living my life in a way that wasn't a reflection of their death every day."

"And why is that? Was it because you put Sean Thatch into the hospital? Was it because you saw him one day at the mall in his wheelchair and the actions of  your life were there sitting and staring back at you?! Did it eat at you that the justice system that kept him out of prison for what he did was the same one that kept you out of prison for what you did? "

"How do you know that? Who are you?" Daniel thinks back to the day he saw Sean at the mall, their eyes met for a moment, neither said anything. He remembers hoping that Sean didn't look at him and think 'now we're even' because that wasn't the case, they weren't even, his wife and son were gone and it was because of him. He hated him, and felt his pain was worse than his, but he knew that if every day he carried that hate it would be every day that he wouldn't be living and his wife wouldn't want that at all. "You don't know what it was like, they were my everything, and he took it away."

"Hey, don't let him do that to you, don't let him take you back there. You changed your life for your family so you could keep living, its why he made you 100, because he knew, he knew you decided to live and move on past that. You went on to push through every day of pain to make it through that tragedy, I can't even imagine. Just like you'll make it through this thing." Jim puts his hand on his shoulder.

"Aw, the ever consoling Jimmy." Cipher interjects. "Here's what we're going to do, first Kelly get out or stay, now." Kelly turns and sees the door at the far end of the room lit up and runs for the door. "Smart choice, who knew she had it in her. Second, the events of day 42 are about to change due to this play of recent events. Jim, do you forgive Daniel for killing Dalton?"

"I do, Dalton's death is your fault, just as every other death that's taken place here is on you."

"What about you Ross? Do you forgive him? You don't look so happy." Cipher remarks.

"No. I don't forgive him."

"Ross, he didn't know!" Anne steps up.

"He knew afterwards, he's known for over 20 days, but he didn't tell us. He didn't tell me."

"This isn't about you Ross." Anne tries to calm him down.

"No, its about us." Ross pokes Daniel in the chest. "How many times were we away from the group? How many times did we talk about everything that was bringing us down? About the others here? About our lives at home, all the personal stuff we told each other, how many times?! If you would have told me, and said please don't tell the group, I would have done that, I'd keep your secret, but that's not what happened! You didn't trust me with the truth. Everything thing that we've been through together and you couldn't tell me what was really going on with you. What's that about Daniel!"

"I just couldn't bring myself to do it, he was our friend, and he died because of me."

"No, Daniel stop.." but Liz is cut off.

"No Liz, it is his fault! Dalton is dead because of you and your temper and your thinking you could end all this. What if it was Cipher, what if you did kill him and the P90s just left, and they left us in here to just die of starvation, with no one to find us?! All of the sudden they were going to have a conscious and be like 'oh well we might as well let everyone go, whats the point.' For real?!" Ross rants on.

"They wouldn't have done that, they would've.." and then Cipher is cut off.

"Shut up! You're not playing me today with this, its your fault too that Dalton's dead. Its your fault Rashaan is dead, that Jason is dead, Linda, Chuck and everyone else, its ultimately your fault. I'm mad at you, Daniel,  for not telling me." he pokes Daniel again. "I'm mad at you for not trusting me with this. There were times....there were times I told you things I wouldn't tell anyone, and I thought you were doing the same. But you were holding back."

"I did this because I CARE ABOUT OUR FRIENDSHIP. I didn't tell you because if I'm going to make it for another 60 damn days in this place I had to have someone be there for me! I walk around like I'm this big cool loner and I can take care of myself! But, if I told you then.."

"If we're friends, if we really care about one another, we can tell each other anything, regardless if it will hurt our feelings, or make us look different at someone or something, it won't matter. Because our trust of one another, our value that we put on our friendship on how we support one another to get through all of this, it supposed to mean something. But if your lying, if you put your worries about how I'll react rather than trusting me enough to allow me to react, well then it doesn't mean anything."

"Wow, look at the tempers fly, who's ready for day 42 because I have a great idea. The next twelve hours, are the next twelve rounds. In this corner, the man who lied to you all about his wife and son, the man who killed one of your own with his bare hands out of hate and not survival, he is Mr. 100 Days, lets give it up for Daniel! His opponent, rather opponents, twelve of you, one each hour on the hour will fist fight killer over here, the round ends when one of you physically can't answer a ten count, and no throwing the fight. If Daniel loses a fight, its not over, he's got to get back up and fight the next round. Do I have any volunteers?" Cipher waits, but not for long.

"I'm in." Scott moves up. "You lied to us, all of us, and Dalton wasn't my closets of friends but he chose me and my side once, so I'll fight on his behalf."

"Excellent! Anyone else?" Cipher pauses but no one seems quick to step forward. "That's what I thought, so I'll be picking the other eleven. My first pick, Ross, you get to be lucky contestant number one, and since it just so happens to be the top of the hour I suggest you take that anger your feeling right now and channel it against your buddy here. Because the bell is ringing right now, ding...ding."

The rest of the group fall back away from Ross and Daniel as though they're watching a school yard fight.

Day 42 begins.

All My Sins Day 42 pt 1

As like so many other days it begins being painful even to stand, they help each other get to their feet and stagger to the center of the room. A young blond woman, whom when not in this room makes sure she is always looking beautiful before she leaves her house is so tired and sore that tears well in her eyes as she moves with the group. Its her day however, its time to leave and she wants to be ecstatic about it but her face hurts so much from yesterday's events that she can't bring herself to even smile.

Anne and Liz help each other up and Ross sticks out his hand for one of them to help him up from the ground. His hand is clasped and he's yanked from the floor and comes eye to eye with Daniel. 

"Well that didn't take long." Ross smiles and hits him on the shoulder.

"A day in here seems like forever, so I guess coming to terms with things comes by a little quicker." he hits him back.

"I didn't know about the tag, I swear." Ross looks him in the eye and stares at him hoping his friend that he's been through believes him.

"I believe you. Its okay, and Liz, I believe you too." he turns to her and shakes her hand with both hands as if hugging hands.

"What about me." Anne stands there saddened and worried about what will happen next.

"Well, sure you lied, but I understand why. For your safety, for the others you couldn't tell me and I never flat out asked any of you if any of you knew, so.... I guess if I would have asked, and you point blank lied to me I'd be more upset, but when its one of those things where its better left unsaid. I guess I understand because I would do the same." he offers Anne his hand and she pulls him in for a hug.

"I really am sorry, I didn't want you to ever know, I hate that Cipher is doing this to all of us, manipulating us on top of everything else." she wipes a tear from her face and sniffs her nose.

"He's done a lot to us, which is why I want to tell you all something." Daniel begins to speak but is interrupted by the monitor coming on. 

"Front and center all of you please." Cipher adjust his mask slightly and the camera that he is looking into. "Where is Kelly Richards?" Kelly moves to the front and holds up the number 42. "Excellent Kelly, anything to say before you leave to your friends here?"

She turns and faces them, moving her long blond hair from her face. "Be strong, and when you all get out of here, we need to meet up again, because I promise I don't always look like this." she and a few of the others chuckle. "I can't wait to get home and see my boyfriend, I miss him. But who knows what kind of relationships we'll have after here? Who knows what the relationships we had before we left will feel like when we get home? To look back and think about things we've argued over, I mean Tony and I, and then to look at what we fought about in here, it makes you think, you know? Sorry I'm not expressing myself very good."

"I think what you're trying to say is that what I've done to you Kelly, has worked. You are walking out of here with a better appreciation of life, and its because of me, I made you better. Feel free to tell the world, confess to everyone what has gone on here and how you have all grown, grown to be better people, better Americans.."

"How about you confess!" Jim shouts to the screen. "Are you the President?! Was that guy right, or was he just crazy? Is this some government conspiracy?"

"Tell you what Jimbo, I'll confess, on one condition, five other people in this room must confess something as well. That happens, I'll answer your question." Cipher leans back in his chair and waits.

"I was a drunk. Drank all the time, so much so that I lost my job. There, happy?" Jim shouts out and looks to the others to be judged, but instead what he finds are new friends comforting him and patting him on the back.

"I was a dancer." Liz pauses. "Ugh, well actually I was a stripper, that kind of dancer. It was a long time ago, college years, and well other than lap dances it never got more intense than that, if you know what I mean." "I'm engaged." Anne steps over with Liz and Jim.

"I have a fiancee at home."

"What?!" Ross was shocked. "I thought he was your boy friend?"

"Ooo, this is getting good, love the drama." Cipher leaned in as though he was watching a good movie.

 "I was going to tell you. But it never seemed the right time, not that I should it matter while were in here." 

"What the Hell does that even mean?!" Ross throws his hands in the air.

 "Ooooo What?!" Cipher falls back all dramatic as if he were on a day time talk show.

 There's silence and the rooms attention is all on these two, all but one, Daniel walks over near the front of the group, bumping into Ross as though he wasn't there.

 "I killed Dalton." he mumbles it, but then clears his throat, and repeats it louder, "I killed Dalton."

 "Oh SNAP! I did not see that one coming." Cipher slaps his hand on the table and everyone there is just silent, no one moves, not even Kelly.

 End part 1 of Day 42