She was a day dreamer. She would sit in her office and long for better things, a better life, a better car, and a better love life. She felt that she had grown up and been disappointed that better things didn't just come to her. It wasn't that she wouldn't work at things, she loved working hard on whatever it was, her job, her family everything she gave 100%. But at this point in her life she thought she would be somewhere else, she expected more and those expectations on a daily basis caused her grief and just made her tired of her day to day life.
She loved old music, old as in 80s old not classical old. If it was before Pearl Jam it was old. She'd blare her stereo every time some great cheesy song would come on by any of the true classical artists, Journey, Foreigner, even White Snake.
One that stuck out for her, one that has been playing over and over in her head for the past several days in this room is starting to drive her a bit mad. It reminds her of home because she remembers actually saying, the city's the color of flame in this mid-summer heat. Her best friend Jenny would pick her up and she'd throw the song on immediately from her ipod and scream, Jenifer's got Daddy's car and she's playing uptown on the stereo.
She would say to her fiancee, hold me close never let me go, and they'd hug and squeeze so hard that they couldn't breathe. His embrace made her feel safe and warm and a little bit more complete and secure that she's gotten to at least one point in her life by having a real relationship regardless if it seemed a bit shallow. She loved him, she cared for him deeply and it seemed like the next step to do in their relationship, it was logical thinking that made her say yes to his ordinary proposal. Maybe she hadn't had some grandiose show of romance and it felt like it involved little planning, but that sort of thing was only done on TV and in the movies. That's what her mindset was, she was logical, she had to accept her expectations were just that expectations and not reality. She had to play it safe, be in control of her life and her expectations.
But this room has changed things, being trapped in the same room for days on end creating the worst cabin fever you could think of has changed her mind on so much. She can't wait to get back to her job, see her co-workers, she can't wait to sit in her car and just drive with no place to go. To see Jen, to laugh and have fun and scream with joy to the point where she just belly flops into her bed and falls to sleep happy. She can't wait for all those things, but she's worried because she knows she should be rushing back to her man's arms, to be held and squeezed until she can't breathe. But that thought has been replaced with the worry that she'll never see someones eyes again.
This is where that song is cursing her now, because she keeps thinking, 'when I look in your eyes, I go crazy, fever's hot with the lights down low, but its not her man back home she's thinking of. Its his eyes, his caring, loving eyes that just seem to look through her. It pains her to think she won't see them again. She's so afraid that when she leaves this room and goes back to try to pick up her life and finds theirs a piece of her life still missing and its him.
She day dreams now about the day she gets home and sees everyone, the crying, the hugs and kisses, probably the media. She'll want that moment however where she just asks if she can have a moment to herself and go in her room and splash on to her bed and 'turn the radio up for that sweet sound'. Hope the feeling of 'Hold me close never let me go' is there. But she can look back at the room and 'Keep this feeling alive' think of the man she'll be waiting for when he gets out, so she can then say to him, 'Make me lose control.'
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