One song has followed her in her life, so much so that along her side she had tattooed up her body a vine of flowers fully equipped with thorns. Most look at the body art and see pretty flowers and think its sweet, but to her she looks in the mirror and she sees the thorns.
From the time she met her first 'love' and truly felt: we both lie silently still in the dead of the night, although we both lie close together we feel miles apart inside. She wanted him to be the man who changed her life, and he was but not in the fairy tale princess way she had hoped for. She would love to say that it was the next guy in her life that made the difference but it wasn't, and as her college life progressed and she made some of the best friends of her life there was just always something keeping her from being happy.
Paying for college on her own on her mall income wasn't allowing her much of a life outside, and when another one of her male friends suggested she start dancing at the local club professionally, it was a much faster and easier decision that she thought it would be. She danced on a stage hypnotizing the men that came to see her, she didn't have to take off her clothes to have their draws drop, her hips moved in a way that didn't allow them to turn away. She would keep her index fingers on her hips as if she were holding imaginary guns in a holster, shaking and moving to the music creating a trance inducing spell that casted over the room. When that song came on it was the one that poured her soul on to that stage, the cat calls and hooting and hollering would stop as she moved to that song. 'Though its been a while now, I can still feel so much pain, like a knife that cuts you the wound heals, but the scar, the scar remains.
She could hear those lyrics in her head and when once they made her feel sexy and move with a passion that irradiated from her today those lyrics have taken on a whole new meaning. "But I wonder, does he know, has he ever felt like this, and I know that you'd be here right now if I could have let you know somehow". She used to think that it meant that nothing is perfect and everything that might seem good has a down side. That those you love will let you down and they will hurt you, heartache is the worse feeling that their is and the pain is so raw it seems physical. Her relationships were fun but they brought on so much pain sometimes, her dancing made her feel alive but she had to hide it from some of her friends and family, she was forced to feel ashamed.
But this room has shown her that its not about that their is pain in all that you do, because this room has shown her nothing but pain everyday, and with that, she has learned its the roses you have to look at, the roses you have to stop and smell in life. The roses an thorns run up her side and lets those that look at her see them and think of those pretty roses, she doesn't correct them, she lets them have their flowers and keeps her thorns to herself. While she sits in this room that's what she's hanging on to, to bring her strength, to keep her going until that day her number is called and she can walk through that door.
She fears however that when she gets out, and she is determined to get out, she is afraid that because she'll be known as a survivor of Ciphers 'expedition' everything will change. After this is all over all anyone will see is the thorns, the pain she's been through, her life exposed and every thorn will be pushed to the limelight for all to see. Will the fact that she's worked hard to keep the women alive in the room help? She hopes she's looked at as if she were some type of hero, its not the reasons she's doing it entirely but she knows it will help hide the thorns.
Every rose has its thorn, just like every night has its dawn, just like every cowboy sings a sad, sad song, every rose has its thorn. Each day would bring pain in that room, but there would always be a dawn, and yes the day would bring more pain, but for a brief moment there would be a dawn and it would allow someone to leave and one day that would be her, and she'd leave and smell the roses.
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